Seeking unintelligent and fun to be around lover.

My subconscious was woven in the elderly days. Once upon a time, that's when it all started.
       I was working at an hourly chain bookstore. Monotonous Eight hour shifts. I didn't know how to clock in or out. I had a name tag. Minutes would eventually turn to hours and so on. I would try to hit on sigle women, or just women. I did absolutely nothing. I'd admire the employees with senority becuase it seemed to me that they were more comfortable doiing nothing.     One depressed sunny afternoon I was about an hour into my shift, when it occured to me that there was an infirmary directly across the courtyard. I walked through the yard and directly up the surreal staircase. On the landing there was an upper middle class dining area. I made myself noticable making condescending remarks to the guests. My brother was an invalid residing in the infirmary during that time. I asked the aging nurse where I might find him. She led me to a room " Fevers are running rapid in here", she said as the door shut behind me. I saw my brother in his bed. " Daniel Pollock", he said. "How are you?", "Could be worse", he responded. He did not sound good . Too many years of smoking cigarettes. We looked at each other. The room was  shared by a man who appeared virtually dead. I did not care about the other man.
                               In the bookstore , upon my return, I fed cheap one liners to one of my blonde co-workers i was seeking her approval for an unmet childish need. I tried to look my best at work for her. Her name could be, "michelle", or something. She'd be alphabetizing files or something. and I would give her a smile. I yearned with every bone in my body to run away with her to some place far from here. To have a desire, A reason to live. I wanted more than sex. I wanted love, desire and companionship. To me there is nothing worse than an eight hour shift in the midst of complacency.                Upon death and nomalcy, I'll take death. Chilhood sweethearts how the years have been kind. Not to intelligent now, no amount of exercise will help you in that area. I don't even care about that area. I'll take unintelligent and fun to be around.