Oh yes "Lunar eclipse", was my middle name, back in the apocalyptic era. I was thirteen going on forty- seven. I would hit puberty much later on than my peers. My name is Henry Winklebaum the 3rd. My father's name is Sylvester. He died in the first World War. Well let me tell you a little bit about my self. I was born in a lower middle class slum north of Trenton in 1894. My mother Pusnaut, ( a German name)god rest her bee-hive, was a hard -working single mother. She made us walk uphill both ways to the taxidermist's office every other Sunday.
At that time I was rather partial to imported jam and shoes. I yearned for a pair of boots. My brother would beat me with a tire iron on the Sabbath. One February morning when my brother was about to finish me off, a starry look developed in his eye. "Henry", he said. "I've got an idea"! I would never be a virgin again. I was born with a vagina! There was nothing I cared for more than a New Jersey city Street in the dead of winter. When the slush morphed into the shade of dead pigeons. I would scrape food scraps off the peasants work-clothes. I acquired a ripe passion for filth and embalming fluid. I would become a necrophiliac later on in my teenage years. My lazy eye would fall asleep in the midst of my masturbating sprees! Grandfather would sit me on his lap and recite the fist three chapters of "Little Women" by heart.
We were the poorest family this side of the sewer. I would lick rusty nails when I yearned for flavor. Sleep was a commodity as well. I would talk similar to a pirate at my own leisure. Oh the liberties of the youthful! I would find love at the age of sixteen. Her name was Tatty, the poodle next store. She had one hell of a nose for trouble, and how she would wag her tail with at any glimpse of excitement! Well anyway I'm writing this auto-biography from six-feet under, for soon it would be the Sabbath and my brother would beat me to a bloody pulp that I would not recover from!
No comments:
Post a Comment